I’m Sammi. I’m 28. I’m a daughter. A sister. A dog lover. A bookaholic. 

These are facts. Facts that I can’t change unless one day I decide to impulsively change my name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock… but I doubt that one. 

Let’s take it a step further. Say you’re describing yourself to someone and they ask you “Who is Sammi?”

Well I’d then say something like, I’m a writer, I’m a good listener, I’m someone who loves to give advice, I’m a loyal friend, I’m very into anything with Nutella. I could go on…

And then if they were to say “Tell me aspects you don’t like about yourself?” or “weaknesses”. Think back to that dreaded interview question.

I’d then say “I am very self-critical”, “I’m bad at math”, “I’m bad at controlling my emotions” or “I’m hopeless with technology”. 

What do you notice in all of these statements…?

They are all completely static statements! Which most of us are guilty of saying. 

Statements which at one point we decide to assign to ourselves, our personalities and we subconsciously associate ourselves with them throughout our entire life.  

The Issue

And then a terrible thing happens. The more we address ourselves with these static statements, the more difficult it becomes to move away from your so called “weakness”. 

Say you tell someone that you “are terrible at organising things”. There’s no where you can really go with this other than settle with the fact. There’s zero room for negotiation and you allow it to become part of who you are. 

Almost like a signed verbal contract with yourself. Tick here, yup that’s me! 

Words like “I am” and “I can’t” can only be interpreted as a cemented fact on your brain. So when something comes up involving on of your weaknesses, your brain will immediately shut you down and tell you “that’s not for you”. 

So you give up before you even begin and continue to build your wall higher and higher as you go through life. 

See that’s what we do. We hide behind the comfort of these walls and we rely on our static statements to get us out of tricky situations. The times in life we really don’t want to deal with. 

And sure it can temporarily make you feel better.

But after the moment has passed and you replay it over and over, wondering if you should have tried that little bit harder, well that can make you feel pretty shitty about yourself. 

Because if you’re reading this, I know you don’t really want to accept these “facts”. You want to do better, feel better and conquer the things you really want. 

Luckily there is a way to start.  

The Solution

To really begin abolishing the walls around yourself, it’s time to start consciously thinking about the unconscious statements we give ourselves. 

I’ve found a good way to begin the demolition process is to think of your identity as  fluid rather than static. 

Now instead of using words like “I am” and “I can’t”, replace them with sentences like:

“Right now, I can be self-critical but I am open to learning ways to overcome this”.

“I am currently useless with technology but very willing to learn how to become less of a technophobe”. 

Can you see the difference here?

By become more fluid, you are giving yourself far greater accountability. Almost like seeing your weakness as a personal challenge to do better. 

The best thing about being you is that you’re human. A fluid creature. And humans don’t have to surrender to their static roots. You have the opportunity to continuously grow and better yourself. 

Stop living with the terms you set against yourself. Don’t obstruct your vision with the walls you build around you. 

Sure there will always be facts about who you are. Your name, your age, your family, which is good. These are a part of who we are. 

As for everything else about you, well that choice is up to you.